CHAPTER ELEVEN: RECRUITING
"I hate this planet," Zarbon muttered under his breath, the mutter turning into a shout. "The culture is shit, the technology is shit, the empire is shit, and the people are shit! All of them!"
"I take it this means you're not in a good mood?" Zangya asked politely.
Zarbon made a noise that sounded roughly like a growl. "Listen, girl," he said in an interesting monotone, "I have been on my 'Polite Speech' with you so far. I have been in a perpetual bad mood since I landed on Rigel 7, and now that I'm here, I'm ready to explode. I am by no means your friend, although I'm your only hope. Your best bet to keep me from blowing you into ashes right now is to keep quiet. Right now I'm stressed enough to kill anyone."
"Even your dear Salad?" Zangya asked.
"So I guess that means I haven't been getting along well with her, either?"
Zarbon laughed a bit. "Actually, she likes you a lot. The fact that she didn't deck you back on Capital told that much. She knows that I'd more likely throw you out into deep space than screw you, and she's a lot more relaxed than she is around most other women. I'd cut down on the comments, though. She just might deck you after all."
"Nice woman. Is she always that violent?"
"With women that I associate with, yes," Zarbon replied, his mood definitely better, "She's very jealous about me. It's because of my race's mating rules."
"Mating rules? What about them?"
Zarbon rolled his eyes. "In most cultures, to become life mates, there's some special ceremony or prerequisite. Some have you bleed from the wrist, or others, like the Saiya-jin, wait for the first pregnancy. Yet others have long, drawn out ceremonies, but I think you know all of that. Our race has very simple rules. Shack up and you're set. Simple, yet effective. The only problem with it is because there's no real commitment neccesarry, most of us are about as faithful as rabbits. Most of us, that is."
"I see. What makes you any different?"
"I joined the military a long time ago. Thirty years in an institution like this makes you as loyal as a puppy."
"Ten years with Bojack can do that to you, as well." Zangya said quietly.
"Speaking of that, what's your story? What happened between you two?"
"None of your fucking business." Zangya replied curtly.
"Okay." Zarbon went back to work.
He hated Planet Vegeta.
King Cold had business on Vegeta finalizing the merger and recruiting some Saiya-jin of his own to replace the empty spaces in his army. King Vegeta was also rechartering and reorganizing the Palace guards, as well. This gave Zarbon the perfect opportunity to recruit his first teammate, simply by adding a little "Sign Up" box in Cold's recruitment office. All interviews were to be scheduled when Zarbon looked through each applicant's form and processed them completely. For this, he had to get Zangya's help. It was starting to occur to him that he might as well have already recruited her as a part of his team. It was almost funny, in a way. It took them half the day to finish going through them all, and at least half of the entries were eliminated right then and there. After looking through this Zarbon half-believed that the Saiya-jin were either illiterate, or mentally retarded. One form that he kept began as follows:
*NAME: Got one of those *AGE: Already have one, too *HEIGHT Yep, got that too. *WEIGHT: Have that *SEX: Often
He must have been joking. Must have.
*NAME: Tomaeo *AGE: 34 *HEIGHT: 5'2" *WEIGHT: 183 *SEX: Hermaphrodite
That one didn't pass because of some... er, complications. Zangya found one that read:
*NAME: Kimchee *AGE: 75 *HEIGHT: 5'9" *WEIGHT: 144 *SEX: Male *POWER LEVEL: 302
Well, at least he was somewhat competant. The interviews were such that it was tough to keep from laughing while they took place. But those were too numerous to be completely covered here.